Mail Menopause

Only recently uncovered, dissed and doubted, but it's real, oh too real:
Mail Menopause. When mail gets to that certain age, it just starts falling out of the box. Sweating. It can get angry and often asks for money, sometimes lots of it. Hormone replacement works well, but who's gonna get a complimentary Wall Street Journal or National Geographic to remember to take a pill every morning? No, it's a real toughie. And decades-long relationships hang in the balance. Folks tell their mail, "Don't make any important decisions -- you're not in your right zipcode!" Homeland Security is at a loss. And FedEx won't touch them. Some pieces of mail actually shower twice or three times a day. Doesn't matter if they become illegible. People are scared to read them anyway....
There's nothing to do but wait it out. With compassion. Maybe get a hobby. Collect porn. But not stamps, not postcards! Use email. Or just don't communicate at all. It gets better. Really it does.