RECOMMENDED DO NOT USE EMAIL SITUATIONS
1 breaking bad news (your mom died just now)
2 canceling a meeting that was supposed to
start in 6 minutes
3 negotiating a price (phone or face to face
best)
4 when something has to be done NOW
5 when the subject is complex and you have a
lot to say
6 marriage proposal (really, ANY important
proposal)
7 any kind of negotiation that will call for a
lot of back and forth, or a lengthy interview
8 to express a complaint
or criticism
9 when you do not want a permanent record
10 when it's 1 or 2
people you want to reach, and you are not geographically distant from them
11 complicated
instructions
12 when the message has to be in any sense LONG
Boring mostly. But right really. Except of course if you get frozen in the tundra in northern Greenland and you have to share a sleeping bag with your best friend's wife just to survive.
Similarly, if you are - odd but I suppose possible -- at some point able to communicate ONLY by email, the rules can be broken. But the email won't be very effective. And it will not keep you warm.
They NEVER do. Bring much warmth, heat, rage. They convey emotion dismally. And they engender way more emotion than we think they will. Really pisses me off.
I have one work situation where they seem useful. Every week a small team gets identical instructions for a group project. Works okay. Worked a lot better when we got together for even an hour to discuss the project. Like people. The instructions are a songlist, the project is to play a gig, the getting together was rehearsal. It's been a couple years now. I don't want to rehearse. Wait. yes I do.
How do I get to Carnegie Hall? .......... from Brooklyn?
What is the most frustrating thing? Oh, there are so many.
The emailer who has little command of the language she is using. I know it's probably just me, but the typos and poor word choice and non-grammar throw me way off. I am disturbed and don't trust any information I feel was supposed to be conveyed.
My best advice to avoid the painful regret that can immediately follow hitting Send --- is to often NOT send. So what if I've spent an hour a day for two weeks trying to craft the perfect words to convince Jill Schmo to dump her longterm BF and shack up with old me? A diamond and lots of flowers could work. Or at least get the ball rolling. (ahem)
Emails are chickenshit. Often passive aggressive. Truly regrettable more than 50% of the time. And always wrong. In some way.
Thus, a voluminous waste of time. (where are my glasses?)
Do not email me. Text if you must. Call anytime.
Next week: Blogs are all bad! (but not as bad as emails)
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