Things you wish didn't exist, but they do:
a rubber ducky covered in dirt and mildew
constipation
millions of humans
large quantities of crystal meth
mosquitoes
great fortitude and perseverence in really misguided people
ingrown toenails
the field of medicine
AIDS
Some things that don't exist, but too bad darnit:
God
Satan
someone who will love you forever
a decent car
respect
silence
a place you can go
a really smart therapist
someone who will comment on your blog
Friday, September 19, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Socialism
Great day for me today. A piece of music I "wrote" will air on some kind of network TV. Or cable. Cable is different from network. They are mutually exclusive. And that's what I want to write about today. Exclusivity. That and that there are just not enough hours in the day. Thing is, I find there are freaking plenty of hours. I grab a can of sparkling water and just go joy-riding in rush hour. What a rush! Or sometimes I sleep. There have been days recently where I slept 10, even 12 hours, because hey there WERE those hours!
Why? My job has become relatively easy, I rarely exercise, and I have absolutely no social life. There is a vast emptiness.
Some would say "You should do volunteer work." or "You should date." or "For Godssake don't date." There is an emptiness. It's like enforced meditation. First I check in with myself. Then I focus on the breath and say .... Shit.
Because I have excluded vast possibilities from my life. Positive stuff. For awhile, even eating was out. That didn't last.
But dancing does not appeal. I saw a man in his fifties dancing last Sunday and he looked idiotic, kind of like a Maurice Sendak Where the Night Things Are creature. Poor guy. I know I know. He was having fun. ?
I don't do ceramics either. Never have. And I have this enforced no dope or alcohol thing. Frisbee? Not me. I will take a walk every now and again, and get on the floor and do the occasional yoga inversion or core strengthener. But the big thing that there isn't: a social life. I was working on it for awhile, and I do make friends easily. I am effing likeable. I used to read, so I can say the names of books and authors with alacrity. And it's probably true that if I tried to pick up some of the little baby friendships I started over the last year or so and ditched suddenly for solitude a few months ago..... well I could do that. Nobody is mad. Some of 'em have "moved on." Maybe. I don't think any of them got married. And there is of course the vast vat of as yet untapped potential acquaintances. But I don't know. I was thinking of checking in with one of those the other night when I was working at a bar, and she looked at me and said "I don't mean to be rude, but I just don't feel like @#$%^&*()_ talking to anybody right now." I had not said a word. And did not. But I thought about this. This woman was taking a strong stance, for the moment at least, against socialism.
And that's what I'm against. You can't reallly get out of your own head anyway. Sollipsism is right. Some people can't even get out of their mother's womb! The ultimate socialism -- parenting. And another thing I don't do anymore. Retired.
Miss it though.
Why? My job has become relatively easy, I rarely exercise, and I have absolutely no social life. There is a vast emptiness.
Some would say "You should do volunteer work." or "You should date." or "For Godssake don't date." There is an emptiness. It's like enforced meditation. First I check in with myself. Then I focus on the breath and say .... Shit.
Because I have excluded vast possibilities from my life. Positive stuff. For awhile, even eating was out. That didn't last.
But dancing does not appeal. I saw a man in his fifties dancing last Sunday and he looked idiotic, kind of like a Maurice Sendak Where the Night Things Are creature. Poor guy. I know I know. He was having fun. ?
I don't do ceramics either. Never have. And I have this enforced no dope or alcohol thing. Frisbee? Not me. I will take a walk every now and again, and get on the floor and do the occasional yoga inversion or core strengthener. But the big thing that there isn't: a social life. I was working on it for awhile, and I do make friends easily. I am effing likeable. I used to read, so I can say the names of books and authors with alacrity. And it's probably true that if I tried to pick up some of the little baby friendships I started over the last year or so and ditched suddenly for solitude a few months ago..... well I could do that. Nobody is mad. Some of 'em have "moved on." Maybe. I don't think any of them got married. And there is of course the vast vat of as yet untapped potential acquaintances. But I don't know. I was thinking of checking in with one of those the other night when I was working at a bar, and she looked at me and said "I don't mean to be rude, but I just don't feel like @#$%^&*()_ talking to anybody right now." I had not said a word. And did not. But I thought about this. This woman was taking a strong stance, for the moment at least, against socialism.
And that's what I'm against. You can't reallly get out of your own head anyway. Sollipsism is right. Some people can't even get out of their mother's womb! The ultimate socialism -- parenting. And another thing I don't do anymore. Retired.
Miss it though.
Friday, September 5, 2008
90 days
I believe it's been that long since I blogged. Why? Because it's been that long since I've done anything. Why blog now?
Well I noticed the writing was pretty good before, and I wondered if I could still be at that level. And I have started feeling like doing things. Which means I actually do some things and wish I was doing others. Or had done.
If you were an astronaut, it would best to be Russian. Not Balkan. If you have moderate hair loss, does that make you Baltic?
I know if you are tired of civilian life and a decent swimmer you may Scandanavian the Coast Guard.
But why bother.
Eventually you will have to split your assets and, OW!, that smarts!
I have a dog visiting me that was named after a place where animals are kept, often in deplorable conditions -- Zooey. Zooey does this thing reminiscent of singing. Howling sort of. Controlled howling. She does it when I play the piano. She seems to be trying to hit notes. Many singers I know do this too, and they live in places where conditions are deplorable.
Like Hungary. All the time. And if they're on the road a lot, Romania. Bears leave Denmark. All the animals left the Arkansas dry land. Except the alcoholics. They only saw 12 steps over and over again. And it was not clear if the steps led up, down, sideways, or (likely) nowhere. Or, more likely, to a Christian church of some sort. Most likely one with it's origins in Germany, Switzerland, or England.
Zooey is obnoxious and her ratio of weight to bad breath may be the world record.
But don't quote me on that. That's the Maine thing.
Well I noticed the writing was pretty good before, and I wondered if I could still be at that level. And I have started feeling like doing things. Which means I actually do some things and wish I was doing others. Or had done.
If you were an astronaut, it would best to be Russian. Not Balkan. If you have moderate hair loss, does that make you Baltic?
I know if you are tired of civilian life and a decent swimmer you may Scandanavian the Coast Guard.
But why bother.
Eventually you will have to split your assets and, OW!, that smarts!
I have a dog visiting me that was named after a place where animals are kept, often in deplorable conditions -- Zooey. Zooey does this thing reminiscent of singing. Howling sort of. Controlled howling. She does it when I play the piano. She seems to be trying to hit notes. Many singers I know do this too, and they live in places where conditions are deplorable.
Like Hungary. All the time. And if they're on the road a lot, Romania. Bears leave Denmark. All the animals left the Arkansas dry land. Except the alcoholics. They only saw 12 steps over and over again. And it was not clear if the steps led up, down, sideways, or (likely) nowhere. Or, more likely, to a Christian church of some sort. Most likely one with it's origins in Germany, Switzerland, or England.
Zooey is obnoxious and her ratio of weight to bad breath may be the world record.
But don't quote me on that. That's the Maine thing.
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