I Live
with a Bear.
Bear is a dog.
Gone it.
The other dog. The really cool one.
She could herd cows. Loud.
I was sure she'd be trampled, but for her twas no prob.
And she fed herself. Not in the human way, not the suburban way I mean.
She killed rabbits
and ate road-kill
and the occasional fried turkey wing.
Bonzenal.
I dug a hole in the backyard in February and laid her in there.
I was worried she wasn't really dead, but the rigor mortis was pretty much of a
giveaway.
I like the urban dictionary, but I don't consult it much.
I like the playing of guitars, but not often.
I approve of reading, but when?
I like a big stage and lights. They make me smile.
I've been on and off those stages since I was about 20.
40 years. Almost impossible really, since I am no
Mark OConnor or Yoyo man nor a natalie mcmistress, nor even
Blevans or other jazz giant.
I'm just a little guy who feels the music and carries a work ethic so heavy
it weighs me down in my sleep.
I awake working.
And recently I find I enjoy practicing.
It is a relief from the unbelievable insanity that is my life.
The intense love of several other humans.
One claims she's an alien, but that's obvious.
Smart Martian.
Another seems to love me so much she can't stop crying. And her airport was broken. (She says its grief, but there is no such thing as grief -- euphemism for regret)
I love everybody I know. Indiscriminate. And when my remark "Sustaining anger takes so much effort I would rather just forgive..." is met with silence, I worry, and forgive.
Lest I come off saintly or daily lamish: None of it is working, while it all works.
Luck? Good luck. Bad luck. It is all luck.
And I will please all the people all the time, and I will love all my loved ones and it is impossible. And there's always tomorrow. Til there isn't.
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2 comments:
It's not okay.
We make our own reality...and there is no free will.
I saw your pictures. It's a stretch to come to believe big stages make you smile. Is that just for purposes of pleasing everyone? I've been off the big stage with lights for almost ten years. My palms have finally dried. Everything musical is academic now. I'm still a smart ass with diamond opinions, even if they're wrong, even if they're inappropriate, even if none is germane to the topic at all.
The topic. Been to a meeting lately? I went two summers ago.
Does the death of a dog hit you harder than the death of a relative? Dogs seem like they have so much more to live for than we have. Freedom, a grinding freedom, without conscience, but with loyalty intact. Shoulda been born a border collie.
I have to admit: I just don't get it. Any of it.
ethyl
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