The Stock Market

The Stock Market used to be in Fort Worth.   Now they have museums there.   When the stock market was there, it was full, overfull, with stock.   Mooooving all the time.   Over time, the stock died.
Then the Stock Market got moooooved to New York (and Tokyo), and it is still overfull.   But the stock mainly does not die.  In fact, over time, the stock grows.  Sometimes it splits, but the offshoots somehow grow heads and toenails and lead more or less normal lives.
There was often something wrong with the market in Fort Worth.  Stinky.  Hoof!   The markets in New York and Tokyo are also stinky, but sometimes when there is something wrong (like stinky), there can be something called a "correction."  Which, oddly, makes things REALLY stinky for awhile, but not forever.  It has to do with methane and the president.
Who is a coward.
Well, I just said that because he grosses me out.  I was on a plane this morning, coming home from Memphis (is that a song?).  And I noticed that pretty much all the men and most of the women grossed me out.  I am picky in the extreme.  None of those people pay dividends.

It's a good day to take stock, and sell it.   Or keep it, but in order to improve the heirs, make sure to have lots of death benefits.

Happy Valentines Day.  !

Anxiety Oy Vey

I'm anxious!   Yikes!
Poor thing!   What triggered it?
Are you kidding?  Have you seen the world today?
Oh, the world triggered it?
No, sheesh, waking up triggered it.   Or maybe it woke me up...
It happens when I travel, on overpasses, in elevators, at the gym, I think I'm gonna puke, pass out, have a stroke.......

etc

I want to report progress.   I believe I have had so much time living in/with clinical anxiety that I am now more or less numb to it.  I have, in the language of the CBT theory, successfully removed the fear from the "uncomfortable bodily sensations." 
I have a story, several years old now:    I was a passenger in a car that drove off the road on a drizzly evening and spun around -  no one hurt, no damage.  The driver turned white, palms sweaty, etc.  I looked over at her and said "That was interesting....what's wrong?"
Nothing was wrong.  Nothing is ever wrong, unless the human condition is wrong.  Which it neither is nor isn't.  If it exists.
I honestly believe my body has been so mistakenly and crazily flooded with adrenaline for so long, I am out.  Out of adrenaline.
I still get the ears ringing, dizziness, disorientation/dissociation....   But I don't get scared much.

For those who still suffer:   "Relax!"  does not work.   "Whatevs...."  actually  ... does.

More on Feelings

Oh eff!   A friend name of G. Bob says that for him, after years of daily meditation, fear and anger are transitory curiosities.  Bob also says "Y'know, we spend 99% of our time thinking about ourselves and there's really no such thing!"  As thinking.  ?   No, of course, he means the self.
      I now view the self, my self, as the combination of 3 things:   a physical body (ever older til death), a set of beliefs which evolve over time - kind of like the stock market, and, #3,  the parade of feelings.   The body and the beliefs enter the consciousness as or through the, yes transitory, feelings.
Silly things.  Curiosities.   It amazes one how loud and painful they can be.  But if I pay attention, I notice they NEVER last more than a few minutes. 
There was the discussion of cravings.   Bell shape.  Level, ascent, peak, descent to level again.   Five minutes tops.   And this is what life is about?  No.  This is simply what life seems to be.

This kind of talk is not particularly beneficial or entertaining.  But I want to document my new view of feelings (a de-emphasis, a disparagement even), because I am actually experiencing something I want to call a new strength.   I can be a hero, in a good way.  I might even be sober.
 Arthritis doesn't go away, but at least it changes.

Some folks hate the president so much, they cannot listen to him speak or view his image without shuddering.   I'm sort of one of those people.  Is it fear or anger?  I'll let you know....
Both.   I wish he would just listen to reason! (to me).   But he won't. 

The signs in the yards say 'Science is Real.'   With their dying gasp.   Well, science is an interesting body of knowledge gained by the experimental method and inductive logic.    Those of us truly inclined to revere science must consider the possibility that belligerent isolationism/protectionism + Reaganomics + disassembly of e.g. the State Department and e.g. the Dept of Energy and (another) e.g. the national parks may be just the ticket for the (still) new millenium.   Clearly these guys have their finger on the pulse of some living beast!

Next:   Inspiration and melody.